The Atonement

I'm going to take a little side-step from my reminiscing to talk about something very dear to me. In light of the latest General Conference (for those of you who are not LDS, General Conferecnce, broadcasted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is a bi-yearly event where members of our church are able to listen and receive guidance from our beloved prophet and apostles), Elder David A Bednare had a talk that basically hit home with me: the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

I've always loved any talk given on the Atonement, but especially lately, as I've been healing spiritually and emotionally, I've been thinking about just how powerful it really is.

Among other things, the Atonement has two parts that I want to touch on: the redemptive aspect, and the healing aspect. I guess, mingled with those two, it would be appropriate to also mention the enabling power of it. 

Growing up, I've always heard so much about how Christ came to earth to suffer for our sins. Anything that is wrong in our lives, we can be forgiven if we have faith in Christ and repent.

8 And now, behold, I will testify unto you of myself that these things are true. Behold, I say unto you, that I do know that Christ shall come among the children of men, to take upon him the transgressions of his people, and that he shall atone for the sins of the world; for the Lord God hath spoken it.

9 For it is expedient that an atonement should be made; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God there must be an atonement made, or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made.

10 For it is expedient that there should be a great and last sacrifice; yea, not a sacrifice of man, neither of beast, neither of any manner of fowl; for it shall not be a human sacrifice; but it must be an infinite and eternal sacrifice. (Alma 34:8-10)

We all make mistakes in this life. That's just a basic fact of mortality. However, it is through Christ, who takes our sins upon himself so that we can be saved. He sacrificed himself so that we can one day have exaltation and eternal life. The key is to have faith in Him, to trust that He died for us that we might live.

However, Christ did more than just bleed for our sins while in the Garden of Gethsemane: he suffered for all of our pains, afflictions, weaknesses, every single thing that we go through, all so that he may know how to comfort us when we struggle:

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. (Alma 7:11-12)

So, if this is true, does that mean that Christ knows how I'm feeling today? How I feel when I'm sad for no real reason? When I get anxiety or depression that makes it so hard to focus on school work, on learning Spanish for my mission? Does he know that I had to fight mentally every single day of my mission not to cry, not to give up? When my brain was so completely fuzzed, did he know I tried my very best to keep moving forward but felt too weak to go on?

Yes.

He knows ALL of this. Not just my sins (and yes, I've had plenty of them), but he knows my emotional pain when no one else seems to understand. But He does.

Since being home, I've seen the effects of the Atonement help me heal. It was slow and dramatic at first. Healing takes time, after all. He knew what I needed most to help me heal, even if I didn't understand it. He sent me home so that, once and for all, I can finally overcome this depression, this anxiety with food. He sent me wonderful friends and a family, all of whom support me. With these, medication, and the help of a loving therapist, I have progressed so much. I went from a breakdown once a day to maybe once a month. I have more self-confidence, more hope, more faith. The fog in my brain has finally lifted, and I can see things clearly now. I can think straight. I have a desire to do things.

I am so much stronger.

I still have a long way to go for healing. I still have chips in my armor that need mending, but it is through faith in Christ, my Savior, that I can heal from these emotional wounds. I can now look back at the past year since entering the MTC, not with regret and remorse, but as a period of growth and healing.

And I would not have exchanged my challenges, nor the wonderful experiences I had,
for anything else in the world.