P-Day

Today was P-day. For missionaries, that is the day where we run ALL of our errands: groceries, haircuts, washing cars, doctor's appointments, cleaning

And emailing.

I thought that my mom may have heard through the Branch President of my home congregation, or perhaps from the Mission President himself about these things. I didn't realize that I would have to tell her myself. I was bracing myself to respond about her inquiries about why I'm going home.

I guess not.

One of the many blessings (and sometimes a cursing) is that we have a companion with us 24/7, and in this moment, I really needed her. After reading my mom's email about how I only have a year left and how she was so proud of me, how could I tell her that I've been miserable and was going home? Thankfully, it a moment of need, my companion was there, at my side, giving me the courage to write the email.

I think I am just afraid of disappointing my family. After working so hard to get me here, after the sacrifices and support they have given me to get me here, I leave after 6 months. I feel awful, like a failure.

But I'm not a failure.

So maybe I don't finish the 18 months, but at least I'm taking the steps to feel better, to be better. I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. This is what I wrote to her, but it was still hard. I feel like I'm breaking my mother's heart. What is she going to think when she reads. When is she going to read it? I think this will be something on my mind for the rest of the day...